Quotes and Excerpts

A story about a Pizza Order:

(Source unknown)

Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza House. May I have your...

Customer: Haloo, may I order...

Operator: Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?

Customer: It's eh..., hold on....610204998-45-54610

Operator: OK...you're...Mr. Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu.
Your home number is 404 2366, your office 764-5230 and your mobile is
014 266 256. Which number are you calling from now Sir?

Customer: Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator: We are connected to the system, Sir.

Customer: May I order your Seafood Pizza...

Operator: That's not a good idea, Sir.

Customer: How come?"

Operator: According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even a higher cholesterol level, Sir.

Customer: What?... What do you recommend then?

Operator: Try our Low Fat Hokier Meat Pizza. You'll like it.

Customer: How do you know for sure?

Operator: You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokier Dishes" from the
National Library last week, Sir.

Customer: Ok, I give up...Give me three family sized ones then. How much
will that cost?

Operator: That should be enough for your family of 10. Sir. The total is

Customer: Can I pay by credit card?

Operator: I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is
over the limit and you're owing your bank $3,720.55 since October last
year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing
loan, Sir.

Customer: I guess I have to run to the neighborhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives.

Operator: You can't, Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawals today.

Customer: Never mind! Just send the pizzas. I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it going to take anyway?

Operator: About 45 minutes, Sir, but if you can't wait, you can always
come and collect it on your motorcycle...

Customer: What!

Operator: According to the details in the system, you own a
Scooter....registration number E111123...

Customer: *!' % ** `# **!

Operator: Better watch your language, Sir. Remember on the 15th of July
1987? You were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...

Customer: (Speechless)

Operator: Is there anything else, Sir?

Customer: Nothing... By the way... Aren't you giving me the 3 bottles of
cola as advertised?

Operator: We normally would, Sir, but based on your records, you're also
a diabetic...

Welcome to the U.S. Patriot Act I & II